Slowly accepting

My Evangeline,
It has been a while since I wrote you.  My life has been in the fast lane lately.  This has helped me gain strength and slowly accept that you are not here.  Accepting does not mean that I am fine with it. I would give up everything to have you with me.  Accepting means that I know you came for a purpose and you served it well.  Now you are being rewarded in heaven and waiting for me.  Until the day comes that I get to hold you again, I will live my life to the fullest. Remembering the sweet love and memory that you left behind.  I think that in the beginning you were with me all of the time, now I feel that you've gone but pop in once in a while.  I hope that you keep popping in and that I make you proud.  You have my heart my angel.  Keep it safe as long as you see fit.  It's because of God that I was blessed with such a strong, inspiring little girl.  You give me strength.

I went to visit our family in Mexico.  Although at times it was really tough to connect and participate, I am glad that I went.  I needed to face what happened with my family that means so much to me.  I know that they hurt because of our circumstance and it's hard to see that hurt on their faces.  But it's love that keeps us together and makes us feel the pain of others.  I know that love was being sent your way all the way from Mexico.  And I know that you touched all of them as well.

I try not to think about where we should be right now.  For example, that you should be two months old and in my arms.  I don't think about it because I know it's not a possibility anymore.  I know that our time together on this earth was spent and you gave me enough love to last a life time.  I will love you the rest of my life.  Those six months with you will stay with me.  I am grateful for the opportunity that I was given to know you.   I am so thankful to God for sending you.  YOU CHANGED MY LIFE.  I cannot be more proud or love my baby girl more.

I love you my angel

Until we meet again,
Your mama