March 3rd is finally here....

My Evangeline

The long awaited month of March has arrived.   From the moment that I found out you were in my belly I wanted this month to get here so fast.  There was a fear of losing you and I wanted to fast forward to March.  I prayed every night for God to keep you safe and with me.  I wanted to wake up every morning to your cute little face.  Now that March is here and it doesn’t have the same meaning.  I thought I would be in a hospital bed waiting to meet you.  I thought about what this week would feel like, the anticipation and excitement.  I was not nervous or scared to go through labor; I was focused on the gift that was coming. I did not realize that this gift would come way before March. 

 I pictured myself looking in your eyes and introducing myself.  I pictured myself saying to you “hello my angel, I’m your mama”.  I wanted you more than anything.  I wanted to take care of you and teach you things, to see your smile and hear your laugh.  Our time was cut too short. 

I constantly reflect back to the night I met you. I am grateful for the time that I had with you.  I am grateful that I got to meet you and hold you and tell you how proud I was and how much I love you.  I wanted to give you the best life that I could and I tried my best in the little time that we had together.  Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve had to face.  I knew what destiny had in mind and I didn’t want to make you suffer in order to have more time with you.  I knew that you were going with God and that you would be safe.  So that night that I lost you I said “Go with God my angel, I’m going to be ok”, “I am so proud of you and I’ll always love you”.  Thank you for the joy that you gave me.  For the love that you’ve made me feel.  For the happiness I experienced and the connection we made.  I will treasure those memories for the rest of my life and I will carry you with me.  Life did not turn out the way that I wanted but I do not regret one moment.  I would do it all over again if I could just to be with you. 

Until we meet again my angel
Love,
Your mama

"Loving you is easy, i do it every day, missing you is a heartache that never goes away"