Birthday and the meaning of family

I was very unmotivated to celebrate my birthday over the weekend. Why should I celebrate my birthday when my baby was not able to? Then I remind myself that we did celebrate her birthday with her.  We spent those hours loving her up.  All that she knew of this world was love, laughter and kisses.  Still, she is so special to me and since I lost her, I almost feel undeserving of happiness. I told my family that I was up for lunch but I did not want them to sing me happy birthday. I knew that if they sang I would break down. Just thinking about it made me want to cry. My family was very understanding. On my day I kept thinking that I should be 7 1/2 months pregnant. I should have been pregnant during the holidays and my bday. Instead I have an empty tummy and empty arms. I wanted to share all of these experiences with my baby girl. I tried to push those thoughts aside as much as I could so that I can show my family appreciation for their thoughtfulness. I wasn't sure what to expect during our lunch together but I certainly did not expect to be blown away. In an effort to show support and love for Evangeline my family gave my money to be used for her head stone. My birthday present was a present for her. I was elated. It is the best surprise and gift that I could have received. To be reminded that they care about her and love her is invaluable to me. To know that they came up with the best way to support me leaves me speechless. I wanted to share my birthday with her and because of my beautiful family I am able to. Words really cannot express how happy they made me. I am blessed and so is my baby.