Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Completely knocked down
You know you've been completely knocked down when what used to come so
easily, no longer does. My cousin, who was at the same gestation as I, went
into preterm labor. My immediate instinct was to take the next flight to go see
her. But the thought of being at the hospital with neonatal care really frightens
me. So I thought I'd wait; if things got really bad I would go. Luckily she and
the baby are ok. He has to stay in the hospital but it sounds like he will be
ok. I still get the inkling to go and be with them. But deep inside I know that
I am not emotionally strong enough. I've never felt like I couldn't be there
for someone before. It used to come so naturally. But I am so overwhelmed with
grief that I literally can't. I hope that one day I can heal and I can go back
to being a supportive person. That is my prayer.
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They say we'll get there with time. I mostly believe them. <3
ReplyDeleteSam I know what you mean. I'd like to think that too but sometimes I don't see an end. I know that this will stay with me the rest of my life. But maybe learning to live with it is what we are looking for :)
ReplyDeleteI think you're right. It's just so hard.
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