Growing in faith

My Evangeline,

Most of my focus lately has been on growing in my faith through knowledge of what God has done for us and what he has said. I've always believed in what Jesus has done for us but I never really surrendered myself to him. The moment that I realized that I was going to lose you I was faced with a choice. It was clear as day. I could either lose my faith and my mind along with it, or I could grow in my faith and hang on to God. I knew that there was no way that I could get through this alone. I also knew that there was nothing anyone could do to help me. That is why I only had those two choices. Without a second thought I leaned on God and surrendered you to him as well as myself. He has helped me through bad situations before and I knew that he would help me through this. Although I did not want to give you up, I knew that I had no control over that and I surrendered you to him. I knew that he would take you in his arms and you would be in the best care that anyone can receive.

Since this realization, I have been searching for a way to grow in my faith. I have prayed for God to guide me in my growth. The answer that I've received over and over is that in order to grow I need to gain knowledge. Knowledge of what he has said and done. This way I can get to know who he is and who I am in him. In this process I have met great people that are on the same journey. We all have the desire to know our God and are humbled by the love he has for us. It has been really exciting and mind blowing for me. There are so many versus that speak to me in the bible.

One of them is this "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. ⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans Chapter 5

It can be hard to believe how much God loves us when we feel so unworthy. I personally have felt that I have not done anything to earn his love so how could he love me. But every time that I have that feeling I think of you. From the moment that I saw you as a small tiny fetus I loved you. I heard your little heart beating and you completely captured mine. I would have given my life for you right then and there. You did not have to do one thing to earn my love, you just existed. That is how God loves us and he did give his life for us. I am so very humbled and grateful for that. It makes me want to get to know him more.

This is one of the many reasons why you were my blessing. I know God sent you to pull me back to him because I was lost. You are my Evangeline.


I love you
Your mama