Everything seems so trivial right now. I am finding it hard to care about anything. It all just doesn’t matter. I was on the March 2014 birth club this morning in an effort to do something that mattered. I mainly look for any moms that might need support. I decided to look at the birth announcements as well. I quickly scrolled to see if any moms needed support but I couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of babies born with estimated birth dates close to yours. I wasn’t trying to torture myself but at the same time I want to fantasize that this could be us. If everything was perfect you may just be in my arms right now, or within days. I wish so badly that this was the case. I’ve prayed for this too many times to count. I miss you so very much. I am trying to focus on ways to keep your memory going and ways to honor you. Maybe if I focus hard enough on that the cruel reality won’t set in.
I have so much love for you and I am trying to find ways to
release and demonstrate it. Nothing will
compare to my being able to give it to you directly but I hope you can feel it
where you are. I know that there are
many babies and children in heaven with parents here on earth longing for
them. I’ve asked God that if he happens
to see you pass by, to give you as much love as possible on my behalf.
The love for your child is like no other love. It is extremely hard to have that love and no
baby to give it to. I will try to
channel that love to others on earth in your memory.Your mama
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