Today is your birthday. All of the emotions from this last week was leading up to this day. I was thinking last night how strange emotions can be. No matter how hard I try to contain them, and be at peace, they get away from me at times. I don't know why I try to contain them. Maybe because I don't want to negatively affect those around me. But the truth is I need to let them out, so I did. I have joy because I know you are with God and at the same time I have sadness because you are not with me. How can I not be emotional? Those are two strong and different emotions that I have. I prayed about it knowing that God hears me and understands. This incredible experience has led to an increase in my understanding of him. I know what it is like to love without expectation. I know what it is like to surrender the person you swore to protect. And I know what longing to be reunited is.
The night I said goodbye I asked God for his help. I also asked for him to help me get to know my savior more. I read in the bible that the Lord longs to be reunited with us. We are a part of him and he anxiously waits for the day we can be together. Because of you I know exactly how he feels. You are a part of me. I thought that by reading the bible and studying all that I could I would get to know him more. I now realize that he is using my life experience to show me who he is. You are such a big part in that. On the day you passed not only were you united with the Lord, so was I. We both received a gift that day. Now I have to focus on his purpose for my life. For someone like me the concept of focusing on oneself can be very hard. But thanks to the guidance I receive I know that I can do it. I am not sure where my life is going and that is ok. What I do know is that God is completely involved and knowing that gives me strength and motivation.
After I let out my emotions and prayed I came to a conclusion. Your purpose was straight to the point and you accomplished it. Now it is my turn to take my life in the direction God leads me. This is the last letter that I will write you. All that I needed to say has been said and this past year has healed me. I do not wish to stay in sorrow because I want to rejoice in our salvation. I want to rejoice in the love I have come to know. I have accepted your purpose and that you are no longer here. You are with God and I know one day we will meet again. Until then I will continue to grow and learn from him. My purpose has yet to be realized. I look forward to my future with joy in my soul and strength in my bones :) This isn't the end all.
Until we meet again my sweet baby,
Love your mama
This was sent by your awesome Godmother.
