I was thinking today about the way that God shows us love. Personally I have trouble receiving it sometimes because it is not in physical form. I find myself wishing that I could see him and get a hug at least. I feel that way mostly when I need comfort. Well, during the darkest time of my life I needed comfort often. I still do at times. I came to the realization that God does appear and makes himself known through people. As humans we are made for relationships and fellowship. That is how God created us; to have a relationship with each other and him. I wasn't sure if he played a part in our lives but I am completely sure now.
Last year when I made a big decision to leave the firm that I loved, and the people, I did not realize what was in store for me. It was hard to leave people that I grew to know and love for many years. But I took that leap not knowing what was coming. I found out that I was pregnant with you and although that was amazing, it was also the beginning of a very traumatic time. Right around the time that I found out about you my good friend Jenna came over from the firm to work where I did. I was happy to work again with someone that was part of my EKSH family. Little did I know God had his hand in it. I am not a person that can get comfortable easily. But with Jenna I was able to share my joys about you and the fears I had. She was a firsthand witness to all that happened with you. After I lost you I was numb to say the least. I didn't return to work right away but even when I did, I couldn't look at anyone. I tried to talk as little as possible as well. I didn't feel human anymore. I felt dead inside. I had little motivation to keep going and live. It was only by Gods grace that I was able to get up every day and keep going because he knows I didn't want to anymore. Jenna was my saving grace at work. She helped me by talking to me like normal person and getting me up and out. She listened when I needed to vent and let me cry. Jenna was the only one that I could talk to at work comfortably. She stayed close to me as much as she could. Without knowing or thinking I leaned on her and she helped carry some of my weight. I shut down and closed myself off to everyone except very close family and friends. Jenna was one of those people.
Today I am stronger and am finding that I can stand on my own. Now that God knows that I am ready I believe he blessed Jenna with an amazing new opportunity and more. Today was her last day here at work. I am sad because I will miss her. But I also feel blessed that I had the opportunity to have someone in my daily life to help me keep going. I am blessed to have a friend that cracks me up like no other. Even when it was hard, she found a way to make me laugh.
Love comes from God and we see it shine in people. I am grateful to him and to my friend Jenna.
Love,
your mama
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